Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Growing up as a mommy

I sit bleary eyed in a jam packed auditorium cheering and clapping for my 5 year old big girl who walks gracefully to receive her pre-school convocation. I am unable to believe that my little munchkin is no longer a toddler. She would soon enter the ruthless world of tests, assessments, assignments and grades!

Suddenly I want to turn back time, just for us - me and her, so that I could relive all the golden moments she has given me all the way in these 5 years. I want to hold her in my arms just the way I did the first time I saw her, kiss her forehead and cradle her to a peaceful sleep. I want to stay awake just to watch her sleeping innocently oblivious to the worries, fears and insecurities of life. I once again want to play peek-a-boo and hide-n-seek with her just to see the excitement on her face on seeing me. I want to build with her the most beautiful sand castles and sand cakes decorated with flowers, leaves et al without bothering about the sand particles we would take back home and the mess I would be needed to clean up. I want to paint with her, spill color and water all around and just have fun. I want to have long tub-baths with her, making shapes out of shampoo foam and giggling gleefully blowing foam bubbles onto each other. I want to play her baby yet again and let her play her favorite role of being my mommy and treat me to the various delicacies cooked by her in her tiny toy cookware.

Yes, I could still do all of it but she would no longer be the same little naughty toddler ever again. She would grow up before my eyes and we all know how time flies! Soon she would stop waking me up from deep sleep wanting me to cuddle her up because she had a bad dream, she would stop needing an hour or more of my time, efforts, stories and games to make her finish her meals, she would not need me to brush her teeth, bathe her, dress her up or put her to bed.

Although I am extremely happy like any other mother to see my baby grow independent, I realize there will be a sudden void in my routine. I feel as if my life that has been revolving around my baby since the time she entered this world, is on the verge of coming to a screeching halt after all these eventful, fast paced years. I will now have so much more time to myself that I do not know what to do with it.  I am sure all moms face it at some point or the other - the separation anxiety. I am trying my best to deal with it by keeping myself occupied in things I have always loved doing but could not pursue due to lack of time - writing is one of them!

As I rise up from my chair looking around for my little graduate, I spot her mingling with her friends, a sense of achievement in her eyes as they meet mine. I signal her to come to me as we need to rush home and as she does, I carry her in my arms and plant a peck on her cheek. She wipes it shyly and says - Mumma I am a big girl now you know, dont carry me like this. I oblige and we walk out of the auditorium, tears rolling down my cheeks - those of happiness, contentment and pride!